A Mother's Guilt

My dear husband has taken the week off so that we can organize our house and get ready for a much needed garage sale. We had such big plans of getting everything in the house that we did not need OUT! It was going to be so great! I say it was "going to be" so great because the big cleanse never happened. I got sick. Really sick. The kind of sick that you have to stay in bed sick. The kind where you can't even move your head sick. The kind of sick your husband tells (orders) you to get in to bed and stay there until you are better sick. You get the picture. If any of you know me, being told to stay in bed until I get better is not really an easy order for me to follow. It is my idea of pure hell.

Off to bed I go.......and all of a sudden I am stricken with guilt. Guilt that I can not help my husband with the kids. Guilt that the house is a mess. Guilt that I should be the one downstairs feeding, bathing and playing with the girls. And as the piles of laundry sit staring at me, and quite possibly judging me for being such a lazy ass mother, wife, person, I find myself unable to relax and enjoy this Dr ordered exile.

Will there ever be a time where I will not feel guilty for just lying in bed doing nothing? A time where I will be able to just lounge on the beautiful chaise my aunt gave me and read without guilt? I am not confident that this day will ever come. My only hope is that I do not pass this trait on to my daughters. My hope for them is that they will be able to take a guilt free nap. Have a day on the couch eating potato chips in their sweatpants - sans guilt, and most importantly be able to just be still without feeling badly or hearing someone's voice saying "why don't you go out and do something". Please help this end at me.

So as I lie here I ask myself - isn't this what I have been waiting for? Some time to myself. A break from the children. A couple of days to do nothing. A day free of cooking, cleaning and going to the park.

Be careful what you ask for.