As a mother you can easily lose yourself in the lives of your children - they come first and you and your life take the back seat. My more seasoned mother friends keep telling me "it gets easier" - you WILL find yourself again - you WILL get your life back - it may not be the life you had before the kids and chaos but you are no longer that person.
Do I even want to be that old pre - kid me? Have I grown in to someone different or have I simply morphed in to Lola and Taya's mom, Marcus's wife?
My husband, a wonderful, supportive and extremely patient man always asks me
"what do I want out of life?" My answer is and always has been
"to be happy" which of course brings on his next question
"what makes you happy?" and this is where I get stumped.... I used to be able to answer that question without even thinking, and now I just draw a blank. The answer used to be my dog Trudy , my yoga practice, my work, my friends and the beautiful place I lived in. Now Instead of Trudy I have two wonderful daughters, instead of the beautiful place I lived in I have an amazing husband, my friends are still what warm my heart, but work has been put on hold since the girls were born - there are things missing..... This is where my husband repeatedly tells me to look at what I have not at what I don't have. He is the eternal optimist - the glass ALWAYS half full guy, which is why I love him.
So I have decided to take the question
"what makes me happy" and turn it in to a list of the things that I would like to do sooner than later - I don't want to set a timeline because that just sets me up for disappointment. I don't want to look back at this and say why didn't I do this in time or I guess I'll never get around to that...
The exercise for me here is to write a list of things that I have always wanted to do,see, experience and some things that I used to do and would like to get back to. These are the things that I feel will add joy to my life, give me purpose and hopefully on the way bring back the Paula that I once knew and loved.
Don't get me wrong. I have a wonderful life, filled with beautiful, loving people. My family - immediate and extended are amazing, and I feel blessed to have the life I do. I just want to make sure that I am making the most of it by being the best person I can be. And maybe along the way I can inspire some others to do the same.
So here is my list (in no particular order)
- Practice Yoga
- Learn to play the guitar
- Run a marathon
- Overcome my fear of flying
- Play tennis
- Get back to work
- Paint
- Go to the theatre
- Act
- Go away for a weekend with my husband
- Get in to really good shape - be strong
- Go to NYC
A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery while on a detour. ~Author Unknown